omelet

The omelet is one of the world's perfect foods. The best thing about it is that once you know what you are doing with the omelet, you can be a Master Omelet Maker. Let's be clear: most people do not know what to fuck they are doing when it comes to making and omelet. But you are about to.

Back to the perfection of the omelet: It's fast, it's easy, it's nutritious and tasty. You can also throw just about anything into it and it will taste good. Know why? Because an omelet contains melty cheese, and melty cheese is good with everything. Name one thing that is not good with melty cheese. ... ... ... Can't do it, can you? Now, this is the meal you make when you forgot to plan any kind of dinner. Or lunch or breakfast. The omelet is one of those rare things you can eat for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner.

For an omelet you need:
a non-stick omelet pan, or a wide and shallow pan
a rubber spatula
butter
eggs
salt
milk
cheese
whatever you are going to throw in there. You can throw pasta into an omelet and it will taste good. If you are using vegetables, give them a saute or a steam first.


Now the key to a good omelet is lots of butter. Coat the pan with it, I want to see some froth on that pan when the butter melts. You want your temperature to be medium-- not too hot, not too cool, but if you must err on any side, too cool is better than too hot. If you cook an omelet too quickly it will not be right. Crack your eggs into a bowl and stir them just enough to break up the yolks and integrate the salt (big pinch) and the milk (a splash). Also, have your cheese ready if it needs to be grated or sliced. I hope you know enough to know you can put any kind of cheese into an omelet.

When the pan has some nice heat on it, pour your eggs in. Let's talk pan-to-egg ratio a minute: you don't want to load up the pan with to many eggs. If you pour too much in there, it will take forever to cook. You want no more than a half inch of eggs in the pan. When you pour in the eggs, just let them sit. Don't fuck with them, these are delicate chicken fetuses we are dealing with. What you are waiting for is for the edges to set a bit. When they do, whip out your rubber spatula, gently lift up the edge of the omelet, as much of it as you can, and tilt the pan so the runny stuff flows off the top of the omelet and onto the pan where you just lifted the omelet. Shimmy your way all around the pan with this method. Keep doing this until no more runny stuff is left. When this happens, turn the heat down a notch and clap a lid on the pan. This will finish the cooking of the egg, and any runny stuff you couldn't tuck underneath the cooked egg.

Go get your filling supplies, take the lid off the pan, and cover half of the omelet with it. Which half you ask? The left half if you are right-handed, and the right half of you are left-handed. The reason for this will become clear in a moment. Clap the lid back on, and turn the heat off so your cheese can get melty, and any cooking that still needs to get done can finish up.

Assemble your plates. Now, if this is one person-one omelet, then shimmy (I love that word) the omelet onto your plate, filling side first. When the first half of the omelet hits the plate, lift the pan so that the unfilled side can flip over and land on the filling, making the perfectly folded omelet. If this is a two-or-more omelet, then cut it in the pan, and manually fold it over and lift each individual piece. Now, why do you cut the omelet while it is still open? Because it is easier to cut the filling without a layer of egg coming between you and your knife, therefore making you look even more masterful as you present this perfectly cooked and perfectly presented omelet. Viola!